“being falsely accused of rape is trauma on par with being raped”
okay, I’m done with reddit for today
Uh it can be, a guy goes to jail for false accusations then gets raped himself? It ruins his life, gives everyone doubt to his character? Yeah. Selfish bitch much?
except most rapists don’t go to jail? And even if he did, being false accused isn’t the trauma it’s BEING RAPED. So that would still be different.
And can we just STOP comparing traumas to each other? No one ever wins. It isn’t selfish to recognize two different traumas are just that - DIFFERENT.
Also - actual rape is way more common than false accusations. There is a special type of trauma of existing in a rape culture that tells you it is your fault vs. a world that is quick to defend and support someone who is outed as a rapist.
What would happen if instead of making rape statistics about the victims, we made them about the perpetrators? I’d love to see some fucking posters that point out the fact that somewhere between 1 in 25 and 1 in 12 men are rapists. Or that 35% of men say they would rape if they knew they could get away with it.
I think we’d start seeing social change a lot faster if we starting pointing out that rapists are people we know and love; they are people in our families, our friends, our classmates, and our coworkers. And that is fucked up.
It’s exactly what it sounds like, folks
A California appeals court has overturned the rape conviction of a man accused of sneaking into an 18-year-old woman’s bedroom and having sex with her while pretending to be her boyfriend. The decision turned on a crucial fact: she wasn’t married.
In the unanimous decision, the court cited an 1872 law that says a suspect is only guilty of rape if the victim is married and the attacker is pretending to be the spouse. In this case, the accused, Julio Morales, pretended to be her boyfriend.
The 18-year-old woman, who had been sleeping, at first consented to sex, thinking she was with her boyfriend. But according to reports, when she realized his true identity she pushed him away. Morales was convicted of rape and sentenced to three years in prison. That conviction has been tossed out and the appeals court says the accused should be retried with prosecutors focusing on another rape law.
Here’s a White House petition demanding the case be tried by a higher court, as opposed to Steubenville’s small-town corrupt juvenile court.
Sign the petition!
Let’s get this out of the way first; I’m a very safety conscious person and have a high value for life. Because of both these things I carry a pair of Brass Knuckles with me at all times. I’m so fucking glad I had that tonight.
Moving onto what happened. I’m going to put it under a readmore because triggers.
There has been a message “Through a Rapist’s Eyes” circulating tumblr lately. Claiming to expose research findings about what rapists “look for in a potential victim,” the piece seems to come from a place of care to warn women of all the ways they can prevent sexual assault. However, despite this intention, the tips do more to contribute to the myth of stranger rape and victim-blaming (that you are most likely to get raped by a stranger, that a woman can protect herself from rape and that if she fails to do so, it is her fault).
The message sensationalizes rape and plants a seed of fear while ignoring facts such as how stranger rape accounts for 10-20% of all rapes, and how 70-80% of victims know their assailants.¹ The email is actually a hoax that came out in 2001.² But people are still buying into these myths about rape:
1. The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.
I might as well shave off my hair so there’s nothing to grab onto.
2. The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.
Yes, I will wear multiple layers of clothes and put a lock on my pants. Oh wait, but many of them carry scissors around, anyway. So it doesn’t matter what I wear. Wear chain mail, maybe?
3. They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.
Because as a 5’3” petite woman, I am only easily overpowered if I’m not on guard? Rapists don’t have to wait for me to be “off guard” if I already know them. Which, again, will most likely be the case.
4. The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public restrooms.
So now these public places are places of fear. But I can’t stop myself from using public restrooms, and parking my car in parking lots, can I? Or do I not have a right to use parking lots without fear of being raped? If I choose to live my life according to my right to live it, and not according to fear of rape, does that mean I “asked for it?”
5. The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.
Or he brings a drunk woman into his room and locks the door. Or he continuously feeds a woman alcohol with a room reserved somewhere. But this doesn’t count because she was asking for it, right? And the guy looked like he was her friend. Right? Did I mention that stranger rape accounts for 10-20% of all rapes?
6. If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.
Yes, indeed. Because victims of rape never put up any kind of fight at all. And because those who do, don’t get raped. So why are women still getting sexually assaulted every two minutes in the U.S.?³ Not that the confusion, shame, and shock of being forcibly physically and psychologically degraded by someone I know and trust, not that all of that might impair my ability to “fight.” Of course not.
7. Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.
So it’s up to me to make myself unattractive and not worth a rapist’s time, because rapists can’t help themselves and are lurking behind bushes with crazy eyes looking for the next woman with long hair and loose clothes. Yup, rape doesn’t happen in dorm rooms with friends I go to parties with and are close to me, places and situations where I might want to look and feel attractive. And because, of course, only attractive women get raped (being “worth it,” does that imply that rape is some sort of reward for being valuable?).
These are just some of the 25 safety tips that the article lists. The fact is, most rapists are people we know. They are people in our classrooms, in our dorms and in our families. These acts of rape are premeditated and targeted. Even a stranger looking for women with ponytails and loose clothes sounds like some intentional targeting. They are not out of control, psychotic, and rare aberrations of society who can plead insanity.
People on this campus think about the type of alcoholic drinks to have at parties, how strong they should be, and whether their guests have the right to know what’s in these mixed drinks. They think about giving beer to men and shots to women. They make sure certain people never have an empty cup, and make sure there are empty rooms nearby. They take the absence of a no to mean a yes. The fact that we don’t find these behaviors dangerous or at least questionable speaks to how our society thinks the best way to prevent rape is to give advice to potential victims instead of to potential violators.
If you’re really that concerned about the prevalence of rape (as you should be), then you would be signing up for bystander intervention training to take some concrete action instead of spreading harmful myths or thinking of more ways woman can protect themselves.
And if you’re scared of false accusations (which everyone seems to be afraid of for some reason), here’s something:
“Statistical studies indicate false reports make up 2% or less of the reported cases of sexual assault. This figure is approximately the same for other types of crimes. Only 1 out of 10 rapes are actually reported. Rapes by someone the victim knows are the least likely to be reported.”
People, we need to step it up.
WARNING: this post is going to be oh-so-very-triggery for victims of rape and sexual assault. I am not kidding.
Dear certain conservative politicians:
Hi! I’m a rapist. I’m one of those men who likes to force myself on women without their consent or desire and then batter them sexually. The details of how I do this are not particularly important at the moment — although I love when you try to make distinctions about “forcible rape” or “legitimate rape” because that gives me all sorts of wiggle room — but I will tell you one of the details about why I do it: I like to control women and, also and independently, I like to remind them how little control they have. There’s just something about making the point to a woman that her consent and her control of her own body is not relevant against the need for a man to possess that body and control it that just plain gets me off. A guy’s got needs, you know? And my need is for control. Sweet, sweet control.
So I want to take time out of my schedule to thank you for supporting my right to control a woman’s life, not just when I’m raping her, but for all the rest of her life as well.
Ah, I see by your surprised face that you at the very least claim to have no idea what I’m talking about. Well, here’s the thing. Every time you say “I oppose a woman’s right to abortion, even in cases of rape,” what you’re also saying is “I believe that a man who rapes a woman has more of a right to control a woman’s body and life than that woman does.”
Oh, look. That surprised face again. All right, then. On the chance that you’re not giving me that surprised face just for the sake of public appearances, let me explain it to you, because it’s important for me that you know just how much I appreciate everything you’re doing for me.
Trigger warning: rape and rape culture
Scotland really seems to be getting good at the whole ‘blame the perpetrator not the victim’ part of campaigning against rape (I’m reminded of this campaign which takes a similar tact). Which is far more than I can say for the English police force.What can you do to help stop rape?1. Take responsibility … »Find out about the law regarding rape and understand that no matter what the circumstances are, sex without consent is rape.If there is any doubt about whether the person you’re with is consenting, don’t have sex.2. Respect your sexual partner … »Listen to the other person and treat them with respect – effective communication is key to healthy sexual relationships. It’s important to talk to your partner and listen to their wishes.
Any kind of sexual act must be consensual – both partners should agree to it and be happy with it.3. Question your own attitudes … »Consider the messages you hear about how men should act and think about your own actions, attitudes and behaviours.
Understand that behaviour, such as pub chat about a woman ‘asking for it’ because of what she is wearing, can perpetuate harmful attitudes towards sexism and sexual violence.Work towards positively changing attitudes. Choose what kind of guy you want to be.4. Stand up for your beliefs … »It’s easy to look the other way or keep quiet about your opinions. Don’t. Challenge attitudes that disturb you. For example, if a friend makes a joke about rape, tell them it’s not funny. More often than not you’ll find others share your opinion.5. Be proactive … »If you’re with friends and become aware of a situation developing, don’t stay silent. For example where one or both parties are too drunk to have consensual sex, go and have a quiet word with your friend. It might feel awkward and difficult to intervene, but you are looking out for them in what could potentially be a risky situation.
Also, if you see a similar situation arising outwith your group of friends, tell someone in authority, for example a bartender or door steward.6. Be supportive … »If you know or suspect someone close to you has been abused or sexually assaulted, gently ask if you can help, offer them your support and encourage them to contact the police. There are also a range of support organisations which can help.7. Speak up … »If you know someone is abusing their partner, don’t ignore it. If you feel able to do so, talk to them and urge them to seek help. There are many support organisations that can offer advice.
You can report abuse by contacting your local police office or anonymously via Crimestoppers. In an emergency always dial 999.8. Get involved … »Support the campaign.
Display ‘we can stop it’ posters in your college, university or workplace – contact us for firstname.lastname@example.org(This address is not for crime reporting - in an emergency always dial 999)Tell us why you support the campaign – we are always looking for fresh email@example.com(This address is not for crime reporting - in an emergency always dial 999) Rape is a difficult subject to talk about but it’s only through raising awareness that attitudes will change.Sex without consent is rape. We can stop it.Look at that. Not a ‘don’t drink too much’ or ‘be careful when you’re walking alone’ in sight.
More campaigns like this please.
It is disgusting. We are told to love sex but never masturbate or fool around. To love our bodies but we have to be hairless, thin, have boobs, and to never wear make up to cover our flaws. We can like sports and watch them but we can’t play them unless they are toned down and pretty enough to be oggled at. We can be nerds but we can’t be TOO smart or we forget our place. We are told we need a prince charming and to seek him out by constantly changing ourselves and being perfect for him. We are given the message that outside beauty is what matters the most but if we have it and get successful it was because we have a pretty face. We are told we exaggerate and should just go with it when we complain of being objects and property. We are taught that being a woman is worthy of an insult… WE have to fear walking at night. WE have to go in a group if we need to use the bathroo