Ok, I’m not actually married, but this is what I say when a guy comes up to me, creeps on me (as in: I politely ask him to let me be when I am clearly in the middle of something, but he does not respect that wish), then proceeds to “go in for the kill” by asking if I have a boyfriend or am dating someone. I obviously do not do this to seemingly nice guys who are respectful of my boundaries. And frankly, I go out of my way to give the benefit of the doubt in some situations, but all too often, those are not the type of guys that I find myself dealing with when it comes to momentary unwanted encounters of a predatory nature.
I hate being asked this for a couple reasons:
- It makes me wonder, “If you know you don’t have a chance in fucking me am I suddenly not worth having a conversation with?” Their loss because I can have a damn fine conversation. ;-)
- Why is it any of their business. They just met me.
And even worse, when I say that I’m married, they point at my left index finger and accusingly state, “Well, you’re not wearing a ring…” Like I said, I’m not actually married. However, if I were, I don’t think I would wear a wedding ring. I think I would put it on a chain and wear it around my neck. Because that’s who I am, and what I would choose to do. Why does one have to wear a wedding ring to be married? Why does it have to be on that finger to be legitimate or even real?
And more importantly, why would this man not take me at my word. I said I was married. Who are you to further question me about the legitimacy of why or why not I would choose to wear a ring. You don’t know me.
Why do you believe you are entitled to me, just because you saw me sitting alone? I don’t give out dibs, nor do I give out my number to strange men who perch over me, leering, and trying to pressure me into giving them something. I don’t fawn over invasions of privacy either.
Oh, and this is not just a personal preference. This is a human preference. Who knows, maybe even a dog preference, but for today, why don’t we just start with human, and see how you do… sir.
Bold is mine.
And this. All of this. So many times I use the “I’m married/engaged/dating” bit to shrug off creepy and unwanted advances when the dudes just won’t take the hint that I’m not interested.